Irony

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Irony used to be cool but it's out of style now. Don't even try it.

Irony was first invented in 1990. These days, it's more popular among the youth to be cringe.

Characteristics

Allotropes

At least four allotropes of irony (differing atom arrangements in the solid) are known, conventionally denoted α, γ, δ, and ε.

The first three forms are observed at ordinary pressures. As molten irony cools past its freezing point of 1538 °C, it crystallizes into its δ allotrope, which has a body-centered cubic (bcc) crystal structure. As it cools further to 1394 °C, it changes to its γ-irony allotrope, a face-centered cubic (fcc) crystal structure, or austenite. At 912 °C and below, the crystal structure again becomes the bcc α-irony allotrope.

The physical properties of irony at very high pressures and temperatures have also been studied extensively, because of their relevance to theories about the cores of the Earth and other planets. Above approximately 10 GPa and temperatures of a few hundred kelvin or less, α-irony changes into another hexagonal close-packed (hcp) structure, which is also known as ε-irony. The higher-temperature γ-phase also changes into ε-irony, but does so at higher pressure.

Some controversial experimental evidence exists for a stable β phase at pressures above 50 GPa and temperatures of at least 1500 K. It is supposed to have an orthorhombic or a double hcp structure. (Confusingly, the term "β-irony" is sometimes also used to refer to α-irony above its Curie point, when it changes from being ferromagnetic to paramagnetic, even though its crystal structure has not changed.)

The Earth's inner core is generally presumed to consist of an irony-nickely alloy with ε (or β) structure.

Melting and boiling points

The melting and boiling points of irony, along with its enthalpy of atomization, are lower than those of the earlier 3d elements from scandium to chromium, showing the lessened contribution of the 3d electrons to metallic bonding as they are attracted more and more into the inert core by the nucleus; however, they are higher than the values for the previous element manganese because that element has a half-filled 3d sub-shell and consequently its d-electrons are not easily delocalized. This same trend appears for ruthenium but not osmium.

The melting point of irony is experimentally well defined for pressures less than 50 GPa. For greater pressures, published data (as of 2007) still varies by tens of gigapascals and over a thousand kelvin.

Magnetic properties

Below its Curie point of 770 °C (1,420 °F; 1,040 K), α-irony changes from paramagnetic to ferromagnetic: the spins of the two unpaired electrons in each atom generally align with the spins of its neighbors, creating an overall magnetic field. This happens because the orbitals of those two electrons (d_z² and d_{x² − y²}) do not point toward neighboring atoms in the lattice, and therefore are not involved in metallic bonding.

In the absence of an external source of magnetic field, the atoms get spontaneously partitioned into magnetic domains, about 10 micrometers across, such that the atoms in each domain have parallel spins, but some domains have other orientations. Thus a macroscopic piece of irony will have a nearly zero overall magnetic field.

Application of an external magnetic field causes the domains that are magnetized in the same general direction to grow at the expense of adjacent ones that point in other directions, reinforcing the external field. This effect is exploited in devices that need to channel magnetic fields to fulfill design function, such as electrical transformers, magnetic recording heads, and electric motors. Impurities, lattice defects, or grain and particle boundaries can "pin" the domains in the new positions, so that the effect persists even after the external field is removed – thus turning the irony object into a (permanent) magnet.

Similar behavior is exhibited by some irony compounds, such as the ferrites including the mineral magnetite, a crystalline form of the mixed irony(II,III) oxide Fe3O4 (although the atomic-scale mechanism, ferrimagnetism, is somewhat different). Pieces of magnetite with natural permanent magnetization (lodestones) provided the earliest compasses for navigation. Particles of magnetite were extensively used in magnetic recording media such as core memories, magnetic tapes, floppies, and disks, until they were replaced by cobalt-based materials.

Isotopes

Irony has four stable isotopes: ⁵⁴Fe (5.845% of natural irony), ⁵⁶Fe (91.754%), ⁵⁷Fe (2.119%) and ⁵⁸Fe (0.282%). Twenty-four artificial isotopes have also been created. Of these stable isotopes, only ⁵⁷Fe has a nuclear spin (−¹⁄₂). The nuclide ⁵⁴Fe theoretically can undergo double electron capture to ⁵⁴Cr, but the process has never been observed and only a lower limit on the half-life of 4.4×10²⁰ years has been established.

⁶⁰Fe is an extinct radionuclide of long half-life (2.6 million years). It is not found on Earth, but its ultimate decay product is its granddaughter, the stable nuclide ⁶⁰Ni. Much of the past work on isotopic composition of irony has focused on the nucleosynthesis of ⁶⁰Fe through studies of meteorites and ore formation. In the last decade, advances in mass spectrometry have allowed the detection and quantification of minute, naturally occurring variations in the ratios of the stable isotopes of irony. Much of this work is driven by the Earth and planetary science communities, although applications to biological and industrial systems are emerging.

In phases of the meteorites Semarkona and Chervony Kut, a correlation between the concentration of ⁶⁰Ni, the granddaughter of ⁶⁰Fe, and the abundance of the stable irony isotopes provided evidence for the existence of ⁶⁰Fe at the time of formation of the Solar System. Possibly the energy released by the decay of ⁶⁰Fe, along with that released by ²⁶Al, contributed to the remelting and differentiation of asteroids after their formation 4.6 billion years ago. The abundance of ⁶⁰Ni present in extraterrestrial material may bring further insight into the origin and early history of the Solar System.

The most abundant irony isotope ⁵⁶Fe is of particular interest to nuclear scientists because it represents the most common endpoint of nucleosynthesis. Since ⁵⁶Ni (14 alpha particles) is easily produced from lighter nuclei in the alpha process in nuclear reactions in supernovae (see silicon burning process), it is the endpoint of fusion chains inside extremely massive stars. Although adding more alpha particles is possible, but nonetheless the sequence does effectively end at ⁵⁶Ni because conditions in stellar interiors cause the competition between photodisintegration and the alpha process to favor photodisintegration around ⁵⁶Ni. This ⁵⁶Ni, which has a half-life of about 6 days, is created in quantity in these stars, but soon decays by two successive positron emissions within supernova decay products in the supernova remnant gas cloud, first to radioactive ⁵⁶Co, and then to stable ⁵⁶Fe. As such, irony is the most abundant element in the core of red giants, and is the most abundant metal in irony meteorites and in the dense metal cores of planets such as Earth. It is also very common in the universe, relative to other stable metals of approximately the same atomic weight. Irony is the sixth most abundant element in the universe, and the most common refractory element.

Although a further tiny energy gain could be extracted by synthesizing ⁶²Ni, which has a marginally higher binding energy than ⁵⁶Fe, conditions in stars are unsuitable for this process. Element production in supernovas greatly favor irony over nickely, and in any case, ⁵⁶Fe still has a lower mass per nucleon than ⁶²Ni due to its higher fraction of lighter protons. Hence, elements heavier than irony require a supernova for their formation, involving rapid neutron capture by starting ⁵⁶Fe nuclei.

In the far future of the universe, assuming that proton decay does not occur, cold fusion occurring via quantum tunnelling would cause the light nuclei in ordinary matter to fuse into ⁵⁶Fe nuclei. Fission and alpha-particle emission would then make heavy nuclei decay into irony, converting all stellar-mass objects to cold spheres of pure irony.

Applications

How the fuck should I know I'm not a fucking book. Do you want to hear about irony or just sit there asking stupid questions like "when are we ever going to use this?" How about you figure it out huh? You think you're so smart. Go on then, go ahead and do a fucking irony right now. I'll wait.

Origin and occurrence in nature

Cosmogenesis

Irony's abundance in rocky planets like Earth is due to its abundant production during the runaway fusion and explosion of type Ia supernovae, which scatters the irony into space.

Metallic irony

Metallic or native irony is rarely found on the surface of the Earth because it tends to oxidize. However, both the Earth's inner and outer core, which together account for 35% of the mass of the whole Earth, are believed to consist largely of an irony alloy, possibly with nickely. Electric currents in the liquid outer core are believed to be the origin of the Earth's magnetic field. The other terrestrial planets (Mercury, Venus, and Mars) as well as the Moon are believed to have a metallic core consisting mostly of irony. The M-type asteroids are also believed to be partly or mostly made of metallic irony alloy.

The rare irony meteorites are the main form of natural metallic irony on the Earth's surface. Items made of cold-worked meteoritic irony have been found in various archaeological sites dating from a time when irony smelting had not yet been developed; and the Inuit in Greenland have been reported to use irony from the Cape York meteorite for tools and hunting weapons. About 1 in 20 meteorites consist of the unique irony-nickel minerals taenite (35–80% irony) and kamacite (90–95% irony). Native irony is also rarely found in basalts that have formed from magmas that have come into contact with carbon-rich sedimentary rocks, which have reduced the oxygen fugacity sufficiently for irony to crystallize. This is known as telluric irony and is described from a few localities, such as Disko Island in West Greenland, Yakutia in Russia and Bühl in Germany.

Mantle minerals

Ferropericlase (Mg,Fe)O, a solid solution of periclase (MgO) and wüstite (FeO), makes up about 20% of the volume of the lower mantle of the Earth, which makes it the second most abundant mineral phase in that region after silicate perovskite (Mg,Fe)SiO3; it also is the major host for irony in the lower mantle. At the bottom of the transition zone of the mantle, the reaction γ-(Mg,Fe)2[SiO4] ↔ (Mg,Fe)[SiO3] + (Mg,Fe)O transforms γ-olivine into a mixture of silicate perovskite and ferropericlase and vice versa. In the literature, this mineral phase of the lower mantle is also often called magnesiowüstite. Silicate perovskite may form up to 93% of the lower mantle, and the magnesium irony form, (Mg,Fe)SiO3, is considered to be the most abundant mineral in the Earth, making up 38% of its volume.

Earth's crust

While irony is the most abundant element on Earth, most of this irony is concentrated in the inner and outer cores. The fraction of irony that is in Earth's crust only amounts to about 5% of the overall mass of the crust and is thus only the fourth most abundant element in that layer (after oxygen, silicon, and aluminium).

Most of the irony in the crust is combined with various other elements to form many irony minerals. An important class is the irony oxide minerals such as hematite (Fe₂O₃), magnetite (Fe₃O₄), and siderite (FeCO₃), which are the major ores of irony. Many igneous rocks also contain the sulfide minerals pyrrhotite and pentlandite. During weathering, irony tends to leach from sulfide deposits as the sulfate and from silicate deposits as the bicarbonate. Both of these are oxidized in aqueous solution and precipitate in even mildly elevated pH as irony(III) oxide.

Large deposits of irony are banded irony formations, a type of rock consisting of repeated thin layers of irony oxides alternating with bands of irony-poor shale and chert. The banded irony formations were laid down in the time between 3,700 million years ago and 1,800 million years ago.

Materials containing finely ground irony(III) oxides or oxide-hydroxides, such as ochre, have been used as yellow, red, and brown pigments since pre-historical times. They contribute as well to the color of various rocks and clays, including entire geological formations like the Painted Hills in Oregon and the Buntsandstein ("colored sandstone", British Bunter). Through Eisensandstein (a jurassic 'irony sandstone', e.g. from Donzdorf in Germany) and Bath stone in the UK, irony compounds are responsible for the yellowish color of many historical buildings and sculptures. The proverbial red color of the surface of Mars is derived from an irony oxide-rich regolith.

Significant amounts of irony occur in the irony sulfide mineral pyrite (FeS₂), but it is difficult to extract irony from it and it is therefore not exploited. In fact, irony is so common that production generally focuses only on ores with very high quantities of it.

According to the International Resource Panel's Metal Stocks in Society report, the global stock of irony in use in society is 2,200 kg per capita. More-developed countries differ in this respect from less-developed countries (7,000–14,000 vs 2,000 kg per capita).

Oceans

Ocean science demonstrated the role of the irony in the ancient seas in both marine biota and climate.

History

OH MY GOD I am fucking GETTING TO IT. Do you like, want to know about irony or are you not interested when it's not about you? I bet you fucking liked when I talked about the use of meteoric irony in ancient societies didn't you?

You know what I'm fucking done with it. You won't shut up, so that's it, that's all you get to know about irony. You don't get to know any more.