List of legal struggle bats

⚽	This article is about a proposed sport for Sports 3. To learn more about other proposed new sports, see the main article.

Struggle is a popular sport played among unsupervised children and 20-40 year old larpers alike. It traditionally consists of two players who battle with "Struggle Bats" in order to beat each others "Struggle Balls" off of each other, and the winner is the player with the most balls at the end of sixty seconds. However, over the course of Struggles history, players have experimented and implemented the use of varying types of Struggle Bats, many of which may or may not even BE bats. Bellow is a comprehensive list of all Struggle Bats that have appeared in the sports grand history.

Struggle Sword

The Struggle Sword was the very first design for a struggle bat back when struggle began in nineteen ot' seven. Struggle League regulation and safety standards had not yet been established as of it's conception, resulting in the struggle sword traditionally not being filled with any foam or padding, making it hurt a LOT more when you get hit by it. To keep tradition, Struggle Swords used in the league still do not contain any protective padding as per the leagues command despite numerous major league athlete dropouts and angry Karens draining the leagues funds with lawsuits.

The golden standard for all Struggle Bats.

Struggle Hammer

The Struggle Hammer, previously known as the Struggle Rapier, was the struggle bat design proposed upon forming the Struggle League's regulation and safety standards. Boasting a larger hilt with a hand guard, the bat excels in defense, albiet only really for your hands. The game is about knocking the balls of people's body, so really the guard doesn't actually do all that much to be honest. Sure you could sort of work it around an opponents bat and maybe punch it out of the way of your body, but if you were going to do that I don't get why you wouldn't just pick the fucking Struggle Boppers. The Struggle Hammer also notably has a slimmer and longer blade, hence its previous name "Struggle Rapier". This makes swift decisive poking at your opponents balls the most effective and optimal usage of the Struggle Hammer.

The bat received it's current name after world famous Struggle Athlete "John Struggle" crashed out after going 0:200 within 10 seconds of their final match of Strugglemania VI, resulting in John swinging the bat around by its blade wildly and accidentally cracking the skull of their opponent who's name has since been redacted from the records (it was Phillip, of course) with the guard. Everyone thought it was pretty cool, though, so John got off the hook with no penalties. The name of the bat was from then on referred to as the "Struggle Hammer" by fans, calling back to the previously banned original Struggle Hammer (now called the Struggle Rapier) in a cruel sense of irony. The family of John's opponents were forced to pay a fine to John in court after a 13 year struggle. In court. They played struggle in court for 13 years. They died.

The silver standard for all Struggle Bats.

Struggle Wand

The Struggle Wand fucking sucks and everyone knows it. It was APPARENTLY designed to enhance the finishing moves of athletes, but apparently no one told those athletes that magic isn't fucking real. Doing a funny pose and flashing a bunch of lights around doesn't change the fact that your strike range is dog water and entirely concentrated on that pathetic star at the end of your bat. Not to mention actually hitting anyone with this is one of the least safe things you can do considering it's 90% hard wood and 10% abnormally shaped pointy foam. How the fuck did the Struggle Rapier get banned in the same year this bat was introduced?

ALLEGEDLY the bat has remained in competitive play due to the yet to be explained stunning results of certain Struggle Wand specialists who SOMEHOW manage to hit opponents with their crazy staged lightshows and drop a ridiculous amount of their orbs (throwing) before anyone can even parse what happened. Investigations are currently underway on Struggle Wand athletes and whether the wand should be allowed to remain in the official lineup.

The dog shit standard for all Struggle Bats

Struggle Gun

The Struggle Gun was controversially added after a mysterious up and coming athlete Braig showed up to Strugglemania XIII and began arguing and threatening with referees and commentators that there was nothing in the rules against shooting your opponents in the balls. While they weren't wrong, officials were unhappy at the loss of athlete Lowe Hangar and potential loss of any other athlete that may have faced this newcomer in the rest of the bracket. In an attempt to appease their fury, and in appreciation of their admittedly kind of sick eyepatch, the first struggle gun was taken from an unsuspecting child in the audience and given to Braig to use instead.

While many fans and athletes complain about getting out zoned in what was once an honest rushdown paradise of a game, the drawback of having to use ones own balls as ammo for the Struggle Gun is seen as a fair and balanced tradeoff.

The cowardly standard for all Struggle Bats

Struggle Boppers

The Struggle Boppers are a relatively new addition to the struggle bat lineup. Struggle Boppers were introduced in the late 90's as a result of a new and upcoming subgenre of Struggle, "Backyard Struggle", where opponents would grab eachothers balls with their bare fists and alternatively pillows in case of a slumber party. In an attempt to remain hip with the kids and mitigate further lawsuit charges, the Struggle League introduced Struggle Boppers to appease athletes enthusiasm for punching each other in the balls. While briefly seen as a copout by backyard ball busting enthusiasts, over time even they could not deny that Struggle Boppers were "rad as hell" and a welcome addition to the official sport.

What they lack in range, they make up for in power, defense, and fun.

The rad as hell standard for all Struggle Bats

Struggle Boots

The Struggle Boots are a pair of foam boots painted to look like struggle bats. These were introduced after a high demand to kick other athletes in the testicles.

The ball busting standard for all Struggle Bats

Struggling Bat

The Struggling Bat is actually the sports very own beloved mascot and trusty sidekick of John Struggle: Struggle the Bat! Everyone loves swinging this fucker around, so we decided to let players use em during overtime! They specialize in dealing psychological damage to their opponents, who often weap at the glorious site of our grand sports pride and joy.

If they ask you for money, do NOT under any circumstances pay them any mind.

The beloved standard for all Struggling Bats.