Football: Definitive Edition

Football: Definitive Edition is a rerelease of the 1912 classic game "Football", featuring new improvements to the gameplay, controls, and graphics. Football: Definitive Edition features the addition of Players 2, as included with all Sports 2 games. This sport also includes a campaign mode, where players 2 go on tour to defeat their evil twin brothers atop a demonic tower.

Gameplay Improvements

Football: Definitive Edition features new and improved gameplay elements. Basic things include reworked controls to make it easier for newcomers, higher resolution textures, a minimap, and new modes to keep returning players interested.

Items

New items have been introduced to Football: Definitive Edition. Originally, the game only had one item; the ball. Now, Players 2 are able to interact with several new items on the field, such as Stick, Rock, Rope, Wii U Gamepad, Drone Strike Control Tablet, and Dirt.

Firearms

Players 2 can now pick up weapons that drop onto the field. Weapons include a pistol, shotgun, assault rifle, and grenade launcher.

Melee Weapons

Players 2 can wield a variety of melee weapons, including Stick, Rope, Machete, Katana, Greatsword, and Twisted Tea.

Referee Behaviors

New behaviors have been added to referees. Now they will not only call out fouls, but can attack players 2 at random should they feel the need. They can also pick up firearms at any time during a match. A new call has been added to refs as well, called "I don't give a god damn anymore, just beat each other up for all I care".

Player Interactions

In Football, players were originally only allowed to tackle other players. Now they can willingly punch, kick, grab, strangle, and kiss the enemy team.

New Modes

New modes have been added to Football: Definitive Edition. In addition to classic mode, several new modes have been added, such as:

Marked Man
Time Trial
Team Deathmatch
King of the Hill
Fuck It We Ball
Grenade Ball
Minefield Mode
Energy Sword Superbowl Sunday

A bonus DLC mode titled "Far Cry 3" was found in the files from datamining, suggesting that the entirety of Far Cry 3 will be added at a later date as paid downloadable content.

Killing

Players 2 can now die during a match.

Gameplay Changes

Several things have been altered or removed in Football: Definitive Edition.

Players can now engage in 1-on-1 fistfights during a play.
Racism has been removed from the game.
Players can now wield weapons during a play.
A post-game shower scene has been added after every game.
Players can now die in-game.
Coaches have been made fatter.
John Madden 2 was added to replace the late John Madden.

Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition

See Also: Sports 3

As part of the Sporticode Consortium's efforts to keep Sports fresh, Football:Definitive Edition is getting a new DLC, meant to address none of Players 2s' concerns about the game because they are being fired. Animals had some problems with it, and this patch is meant to address things such as:

Playing field is too small.
There are not enough treats.
People make me anxious.
I don't like that animal.
I don't like that robot.
I don't like that cucumber.
Why is my food bowl empty?
I don't understand the game.
Somebody's poisoned the water hole!
Hell
INCENDIARY. WEAPONS.
5 meter post.
10 meter post.
What's a meter?
I don't like any of the other animals.

Further changes

Animals complained, and Hideo Kojima heard them. In addition to the previous changes, Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition includes extra, previously missing scenes, mostly involving raw natural violence, much akin to Dead Space. A faster mode of play has been added, where the ball is ignored, and all the animals rush into the center of the arena to create a massive pit of death. Season Pass holders are encouraged to enter the pit if they desire, and VIPs are guaranteed to die upon entering the pit. The extra ticket funds go toward snipers tasked with killing any VIPs the animals don't get to.

Target Arena™

Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition also includes the exclusive Target Arena™ for free and custom play, as well as allowing every animal with Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition to bring a single Player 2 into the arena with them. Target Arena™ will change with the seasons, and has the largest Corpse Hole of any stadium, so the animals will favor it for a number of reasons. In addition, Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition will allow animals to choose the Target® Ball for play, which will increase game time dramatically.

Spectators in Target Arena™ will all be given Target® hoodies and Target® hats, as well as Target® flags to wave whenever anyone touches the Target® Ball. Target® will perform forensics to ensure that every flag contains a believable amount of the assigned spectator's DNA, to show that they fulfilled the criteria outlined in Target® Corporation Target Arena™ Code of Loyalty § 35 ¶ 19. Spectators are liable for any damages as a result of these findings. If found to be in violation of the Code, the accused spectator will be bagged and tagged by a Target® Spot Squad™, for which they will also be charged.

Target Arena™ can hold 2 million spectators at once, and is designed to generate wind currents when all spectators are waving their Target® flags at the same time. The wind is used to spin a giant turbine above the screen in the middle of the arena, which generates power. The power is used to burn coal for no real benefit. Coal smoke is piped through the arena's HVAC system back to the stands, where spectators of Football: Definitive Edition: Director's Cut Turbo EX Target® Edition are suffocated en masse.