Bitcoin
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Bitcoin is when you set fire to all the money you have, and sometimes money you don't. It's very funny. Bitcoin is one of the many ways to end a relationship or marriage, but lacks the legal protection of a divorce, and isn't as fun as going to get a pack of smokes and never returning.
Bitcoin leverages blockchain technology, in that if you invest in bitcoin, you are metaphorically chaining yourself to a cinderblock and throwing it into the sea.
History[edit | edit source]
Bitcoin was invented by a dog. It was first practiced in Japan in the middle ages, but their money did not burn very well because it was made of metal, so they rightly decided it was a bad idea. The Japanese buried all knowledge of Bitcoin underground.
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In the late 2000s, American financiers were looking for new ways to dupe people out of their money, when they accidentally discovered the burial site. Today, there are many bitcoins in operation, including Ethereum, Bitcoin Classic, Cherry Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Fakecoin, Scamcoin, Hawk Tuah Coin, and Axie Infinity.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Bitcoin is going to melt all of the ice caps and kill us all. This is the mission statement of cryptocurrency across the world. Since they lost so much money on fake money, they are upset at us and trying to drown us all. This keeps fucking happening.
In 2024, Cities Skylines 2 was released. This game was designed as a vector for malware that steals cryptocurrency wallets.
Treatment[edit | edit source]
The easiest way to stop someone from using bitcoin is to steal their wallet and sell it all for yourself. This is a relatively low risk procedure, because you invest nothing but time and get all the money they put into it, maybe less.
You can use bitcoin to summon drugs from the internet. For more information, ask your mom.
In popular culture[edit | edit source]
In The Dark Knight, The Joker does a Bitcoin.
