Temple Run

Here's your host: It's KIRK FUCKING FOGG

Welcome back!! We just watched the Purple Parrots dominate the competition and make it all the way here but now they'll have to face the horrors of Olmec's temple if they want a shot at that prize. But before you get started, let's listen to some information that might help you retrieve the Extremely Based Football of Emperor Trajan. Over to you Olmec!

You could start by spending four years in college on a degree that won't open any opportunities. Climb down into the pit of despair and turn the wheel to lift the stone slab, then race into the Office Cubicle. Spend 30 years of your life in an unsatisfying career and you could choose to go up into the Heart Room! Or, into the treacherous Holes of Python. If you escape, you might have the chance to grapple with Constant Financial struggles. Stay afloat in this economy to go up into the Shrine of the Silver Monkey! Assemble the statue, and you may be headed for Constantly Building Medical Debt. Race up to the observatory, spin the sundial, and hurry into the Treasure Room! Cross the Troubled Bridge, pass through the Room of the Three Gargoyles, down the stairs and back to the Temple Gate. The choices are yours and yours alone!

Thank you Olmec! Alright you guys won a full pendant in the temple games and I'm gonna give it to the guy next to you because I flipped a coin in my head. Now when I say go you're gonna race through the temple and try to retrieve the really cool thing from whoever. Once you get whatever it is this week all the doors will open, all the temple guards will die a horribly violent death, and you've just gotta race back here. You've got the rest of your life, and if you pull it off, you'll be rewarded with

Prizes

For getting to the temple you get a Band-Aid Brand Band-Aid From Johnson&Johnson: A Family Company!!

And if you get all the way through

You win this bike that we found!! We only got one so you'll have to share

Alright sounds good let's get into position. Let's set the clock and get ready, set, alright GO GO GO FUCKIN GO KID GO!!!

And then

You spend the entire time watching them try to put together a styrofoam monkey