WiFi
WiFi is a toxic chemical. It is bright orange or green and comes out of your router. It poisons gamers and causes their mental state to rapidly decay until it ceases all function. It is so toxic it can be transmitted through online games to other gamers through a phenomenon known as lag. The government created it.
History
WiFi was developed by the scientists Wilma Television and Finnegan Health Insurance to kill all gamers, so that they would control the world. WiFi is a combination of their names.
Health effects
WiFi causes lag poisoning to any gamer that encounters it in an online session. If another gamer participating in the session has been contaminated with WiFi, it rapidly spreads to all other players, causing their mood to plummet and their temper to flare wildly. The more WiFi a gamer encounters, the more rapidly their situation deteriorates. WiFi is especially dangerous to fighting game players, and Super Smash Bros. Melee players (because these are objectively two different categories of gamer).
After 7 days of playing against WiFi players, a gamer will die.
Treatment
The treatment for wifi poisoning is to plug a fucking ethernet cable into your computer asshole.
If you have a Nintendo Switch it's terminal.
