Mahjong
Mahjong (pronounced Mahjong) is a narcotic drug introduced in 1925. Users of mahjong, called mahjonklers, sit on 4 sides of a square table and scream profanities at a set of tiles with pictures on them. Sometimes the tiles have little guys drawn on them. Players do something with the tiles but I couldn't tell you what or why. The game ends when all players are equally fed up and done playing.
Today, mahjong is loathed by many people across dozens of countries around the world and banned in China. Many videogames have been made about mahjong, and great care must be taken to avoid playing them by accident.
History[edit | edit source]
Mahjong was first theorized in 1902 by scientists as an example of a toxic game that provides no enjoyment or entertainment. For a while, everyone agreed it would be a terrible idea to actually play it.
In 1925, Ma Jong transcribed the rules from the original study into a set of playable instructions, and meticulously created the first physical set of mahjong tiles. Creation of the game caused a great famine which destroyed many crops and caused thousands to go hungry and die. Repercussions of the incident were felt worldwide and many took their own lives rather than live with the horrors of a world in which mahjong exists. The invention of mahjong is associated with many historical events of the 20th century, including the Chinese Communist Revolution, the Hindenberg explosion, the Great Depression, and the Irish Potato Famine.
In 2009, Riot Games created League of Legends in an attempt to make a game more toxic than mahjong.
Mahjong Tiles[edit | edit source]
A full set of mahjong tiles is referred to as a Hate Crime and consists of at least 136 tiles.
- Dots / circles - high defense but low offense
- Bamboo - can move through forest tiles at their full speed
- Characters - Zack Fair, Cloud Strife, Tifa, and Barrett
- Winds - effective against flying enemies
- Dragons - super cool
- Blank Tiles - you can use these in place of any letter when forming a word
- Seasons - companion to the Ages set of tiles
- Flowers - please don't step on them
Health Effects[edit | edit source]
Mahjong causes significant soul damage to its players. It is a common cause of Psychocausticity. Mahjong poisoning can take effect after a single game and can kill you within minutes. If you or a loved one has played mahjong, you may be entitled to compensation.
Mahjong is highly addictive. Treatment of mahjong is impossible. Once someone has partaken of mahjong, they will continue to play until dead. Attempting to remove a mahjonkler from a table will result in them becoming agitated and violent.
In Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
Hatsune Miku, creator of Minecraft, attempted to name their company after mahjong but spelled it wrong on the form.
24 Hour Cinderella Guy fights against mahjong on several occasions.